Wednesday, August 15, 2012

I Don't Dislike Anybody That Much

Kari and Neil sat side by side, engaged in a conversation at "Dumfuds", their favorite bar. This had become a habit for the two of them; well, this week, anyway.

Neil ran his hand through his hair as he listened to Kari unravel a story that unfortunately, was true.

Kari had been happily married to Stan. He was a good man and a good provider. And he was big. Not really obese, just tall and big boned. He had gained a few extra pounds for sure.

Apparently, Kari and Stan had been in the middle of sex one Friday night, when Stan suffered a massive heart attack and died instantly. Most women would have immediately called 911 to summon emergency help. But not Kari. It was, she explained to Neil, just too embarrassing. If she were to call the paramedics, they would see that he was naked and they would know that he had suffered a heart attack in the midst of sex. And that would have embarrassed her terribly. Why, Kari reasoned that if word got out about how he had died, she would never live it down. People all over town would tease her about it for the rest of her life.

As she looked upon Stan's lifeless body, she continued to think about the very predicament in which she found herself. This was proof that life was too short to be made a laughingstock. She knew that she would have to call someone. She couldn't just leave him there. And she wanted to dress him, but that would be too much weight for her to lift with her petite frame.

So, she called and awoke the only person that she could at three a.m.: her best friend, Cindy. She told Cindy what had happened and to get over to her house on the double! They had been through a lot together during their lifelong friendship. This would be just one more thing to add to the list but they had long had plenty of blackmail material on each other.

While Cindy was on the way, she thought hard. The adrenaline was rushing through her system. It seemed that it helped her to think more clearly. Pajamas. They would need to dress him in pajamas  so that when she did finally call for help and the paramedics arrived, they would find him in pajamas, and wouldn't think anything was amiss. Oh Lord! Why did these things always happen to her?

Cindy arrived looking like she had just woke up, ready to help her friend Kari with her dilemma. Together, she and Kari dressed Stan. Kari was kind of creeped out knowing that her best friend was seeing her husband naked. But really, the whole situation was creepy anyway.

Dressing Stan was no easy matter. He was big and his weight was literally dead weight now. By the time they finished dressing him, it was 430 a.m. How would Kari explain why she woke up to find her husband dead in bed with her? They needed to put him somewhere else. What if the police were called and they found something suspicious with the bed? They would need to drag him to the kitchen table.Now, if alive, he could be eating breakfast. That was it! A heart attack while eating Wheaties! That probably happened a lot.

That is what they did. Kari and Cindy drug poor Stan to the table, sat him in an upright position in a chair, fixed him a bowl of Wheaties and stuffed his face in the bowl to make it look like his heart attack occurred while he was eating breakfast.

Then, Kari called 911 to report finding her wonderful husband dead in the kitchen.

A year had passed and now Kari, tipsy...; no, not tipsy, but dog drunk, was sitting in a bar in a small town telling this terrible story to Neil. She told him not to tell anyone. She just had to get it off of her chest. All this time, no one else knew but Cindy. Now, with the help of Crown Royal, she had finally shared this sorrow with someone else.

While she had the courage worked up, she decided to confess her loneliness to Neil. Ever since Stan passed away, she had been soooo terribly lonely. She began to cry as she thought of it. Then she asked Neil if he knew anyone that he could set her up with to date and hopefully end the loneliness.

Neil looked at her petite body, and good looks. Normally by now, he would have already taken her home with him. But he thought about it for a split second and decided that he didn't want to wind up with pajamas on slumped in a chair with his face in a bowl of cereal if he had a heart attack. He decided further, that he didn't dislike anybody that much. Not enough to possibly sentence them to that fate. Nope, not even one person. He told her he couldn't think of anybody.

The End

copyright 2012 by Kathy Robbins


  1. What an interesting story! It certainly make you think!

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  3. Thanks for stopping by, Jess!